Armchair Commentary

Vampire Cage Match, Round 4: Dracula vs. The Vampire Lestat

In celebration of New Moon's opening we are going to explore your favorite movie & TV vampires and put them head-to-head (or fang to fang). Feel free to chime in with your thoughts as we match up two different bloodsuckers every day this week.

ROUND FOUR: DRACULA VS. LESTAT

Two old-school, control freak vampires with attitude problems and horrible luck in love.

Qualifier: There are many versions of both of these characters. This cage match is between the Lestat from the movie Interview with the Vampire, and not the book version. The Dracula character is from Gary Oldman’s portrayal in the 1992 film, Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

WHO?: Dracula (Gary Oldman), is the most famous of the vampires, and also known as the first vampire.  He is forever searching for the reincarnation of his lost love. People usually just get in the way of his goal, and when they do, he kills or eats them. Lestat (Tom Cruise) is a 6-foot tall, blond vampire with a flair for fashion. He is bold, defiant and conflicted.  He tends toward selfish introspection without much concern for the feelings of others. 

 
UN-UNDEAD SOULMATE:  Mina (for Dracula); Himself? (Lestat)

INSTEAD OF HUMANS, THEY DRINK FROM: Both actually drink from people.

PHYSICAL STRENGTHS: Dracula, once known as Vlad the Impaler, has major battle training. He also puts little to no value on any life, sometimes including his own. That sort of ambivalence could give him an advantage. Lestat’s resourcefulness and resilience lead him to survive fire and dead blood (which apparently can kill him). He’s selfish enough to turn anyone into a vampire in order to keep them as his companions, who on-screen are a Who’s Who of vampire hotness: (Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas).

 
PHYSICAL WEAKNESSES: These two are pretty well-matched physically, but their mental issues could make all the difference. Dracula is so confident in his ability to triumph, he runs the risk of underestimating his opponent. Lestat is extremely self-centered and might worry about getting his clothes dirty.

 
WOOING:  Dracula is only concerned with his Mina. He loves to the point of obsession, even though the original Mina has been dead for many years. Lestat is a charmer. He has well-honed seduction skills, but has no ability to keep a long-term relationship.

Which vampire would win this bout? --Shauna

Vampire Cage Match, Round 3: Underworld's Selene vs. Blade

In celebration of New Moon's opening we are going to explore your favorite movie & TV vampires and put them head-to-head (or fang to fang). Feel free to chime in with your thoughts as we match up two different bloodsuckers every day this week.

ROUND THREE: SELENE VS. BLADE

Two bloodsucking butt-kickers who have serious obsessions with tight leather and new weapon technology. 

WHO?:  Selene (Kate Beckinsale), from the Underworld movies, was turned by the vampire who slayed her family. She is a Death Dealer who fights the Lycan (werewolves) whom she believes are responsible for the death of her family.  Blade (Wesley Snipes), from the Blade Trilogy, is half-vampire, half-human, due to his mother being bitten by a vampire while she was pregnant with him. Referred to as “daywalker,” he doles out vengeance on the vampire community in general for making him what he is.

UN-UNDEAD SOULMATE: Michael (for Selene) ; Whistler & some damsels in distress (for Blade)

INSTEAD OF HUMANS, THEY DRINK FROM: Selene feeds on humans and stolen blood, Blade takes a special antibiotic to keep the vampire in him at bay.

PHYSICAL STRENGTHS: Selene has been trained to fight and kill Lycan, and has wicked skills with guns and crossbows. She is also small and quick. Blade has sheer size on his side and none of the usual vampire weaknesses. (garlic and daylight, for example.)

PHYSICAL WEAKNESSES: Selene’s size could become an issue. She’s quick, but tiny. Blade has a problem paying taxes the advantage of size, but that could make him slow. He is sometimes blinded by his own hatred of vampires and can charge without thinking about strategy.

WOOING: Selene is a hot vampire in skin-tight leather. ‘Nuff said. Blade has no game and doesn’t seem to want any.

Which vampire would win this bout? --Shauna

Vampire Cage Match, Round 2: Buffy's Angel vs. Moonlight's Mick St. John

In celebration of New Moon's opening we are going to explore your favorite movie & TV vampires and put them head-to-head (or fang to fang). Feel free to chime in with your thoughts as we match up two different bloodsuckers every day this week.

ROUND TWO: Angel VS. Mick St. John

Two vulnerable vamp detectives with a weakness for cute, blond, risk-takers. Angel is cursed with a soul and Mick St. John just likes to act as though he has one.

WHO?: Angel (David Boreanaz) has been vamped since 1753, and is from the Joss Whedon series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spin-off series, Angel.   He was cursed with a conscience when gypsies returned his soul as an act of vengeance for his slaying of a young gypsy girl.
Mick St. John (Alex O'Loughlin) is from the short-lived but fan fav series, Moonlight. He was turned on his wedding night by his bride, Coraline. He is not a fan of vampires and consequently, has quite a bit of self loathing.

UN-UNDEAD SOULMATE: Buffy (for Angel); Beth Tuner (for Mick)

INSTEAD OF HUMANS, THEY DRINK FROM: Both drink from stolen blood bank supplies

PHYSICAL STRENGTHS: Mick has plenty of fighting training from battling his own kind and has a great backup system in his crazy, rich, best buddy, Joseph. But Angel has plenty of fights under his belt from working with the Slayer, has been to hell and back (literally) and has a mean alter ego, Angelus.

PHYSICAL WEAKNESSES: In his infinite quest to return to humanity, Mick drank a special potion that takes away vamp powers – and although it wears off, and nobody can say how it really affected him.
Angel s possession of a soul could count against him in combat.

WOOING: Mick is an expert at the art of the tease with Beth. His connection to her became undeniable when he rescued her from Coraline when Beth was only four years old. His baby blues , fabulous hair and penchant for getting just close enough to Beth without touching her, keep her swooning over and over again.
Angel fed the slayer information to help her take down some of her greatest foes and manages to look brooding at every turn. 

Which vampire would win this bout? --Shauna

John Hughes, RIP

The man who made Molly has passed away. He died yesterday morning of a heart attack at age 59. According to the Washington Post, he was on a morning walk in New York City where he had traveled to visit friends.

Of all the celebrity deaths in the last few months, this one will affect me the most. John Hughes changed my life. 

For those unacquainted with his body of work, Hughes wrote and directed what I thoroughly believe to be the quintessential teen movies of the 80's. (And Home Alone.) Here's a partial list of films he either wrote or directed, or in some cases, both:
Mr. Mom
National Lampoon's Vacation
Sixteen Candles
The Breakfast Club
Weird Science
Pretty in Pink
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Planes Trains and Automobiles

Those are just a select FEW of the films. For the staggeringly full list, click here. You will be blown away.

He introduced the world to a cute red-head named Molly Ringwald. If you look at the characters in his movies, you will see the some of the first appearances of the likes of Matthew Broderick, Judd Nelson, John Cusack, Lili Taylor, Mary Stuart Masterson, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall,  and many more. 

But his biggest contribution, in my humble opinion, was giving movies to kids like me, who needed to see characters on screen that all at once were hilariously funny, completely human, and got what they wanted in the end. They weren't perfect little Hollywood starlets. They looked like I did. The un-cool became cool. The barriers of cliques were broken, families were brought together and I laughed my head off on a regular basis.

In Sixteen Candles, Molly Ringwald was the perfect typical sophomore who was in love with the popular guy. The Breakfast Club gave us a representation of high school that still holds true. And as I grew, so did he, giving us Uncle Buck, Planes Trains and Automobiles and She's Having a Baby.

Yes, I am ignoring Home Alone, and a smattering of other films that might have been more commercially successful, but lacked the voice that I loved in Hughes work. I'm fine with it. 

He dropped from the radar in the past decade or so, but was never too far away. Writer/director Kevin Smith payed homage to Hughes in the movie, Dogma, in which Jay and Silent Bob were searching for the imaginary town of Shermer, Illinois, in which most of Hughes early films took place.

I have an annual re-watching of these movies and can recite most of them by heart. I watch and wait patiently for another teen flick that is as great as John Hughes' were, but to no avail. I hope that one day, someone will pick up that torch. 

In the meantime, I will mourn one of the greatest voices of the 80's. Check out the clips below for a little bit of the Hughes brand of film.

Tune in Tokyo, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" Getting Remade

First, I hear that they are thinking of re-making the classic film, Clue.  Then, I read David's clip about the geniuses in Hollywood considering a Joss Whedon-less "Buffy" movie.

And today I read in Variety that Twentieth Century Fox is planning a remake of one of the most craptastic 1980's teen flicks ever made, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

It was a great, cheesy, dance-centered movie with a Square Pegs-era Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt. They star as two friends obsessed with a teen-dance show and will do almost anything to be the new 'it' girl on the show. Think John Waters' Hairspray with neon and spandex. Add in a pre-teen Shannen Doherty and the 80's prince, Jonathan Silverman and you get a flick that is completely cheesy and SOO wonderful. 

The truly horrifying part about this remake is that the Variety article mentions that it will be a vehicle for - gulp - Miley Cyrus. Oh God. I am gonna be sick.

In this reality-TV, talent show loving culture we live in, I can see why a movie like this would be pegged for a remake. But come on, is no 'cult' flick sacred? What's next? Ferris? The Money Pit? This has got to stop.

For those of you who missed it the first time, here's a scene from the original film. So bad it's good.

Chuck Watch 2009 - The Movie Reference

I love Chuck. The show is funny and well made, not to mention that Jayne is in it. (Firefly fans will get that.) On the outside, it's an action comedy about a geeky guy turned spy. But underneath, there is so much more!

The thing that makes me obsessive over this show is trying to spot all of the movie references in each episode. I am SURE I miss a ton of them, but it makes me happy that they are in there.

 
Monday's episode featured a rant from Chuck's best-friend Morgan that I could swear was an homage to Vizzini's 'iocane powder' debate in the Princess Bride. Beware - Chuck and movie spoilers ahead!!!

Princes Bride (The speech is 2:11 in if you want to go straight there.)

And here's Chuck's version:

Too much of a stretch? Try this one: At the end of the same episode when Big Mike felt that Morgan sold him out? They inserted a direct reenactment of the Godfather 'kiss of death' scene!

Original Godfather:

Chuck's version:

Recently, it seems like the writing staff is paying tribute the '80's comedy, Spies Like Us.
First, they referred to one of their 'bug' devices as a GLG20, which we all my dorky friends and I know was the type of agent Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd were trying to become in the movie. Then, they did a little homage to brilliant "doctor, doctor" scene. Check out the comparison below:

Spies Like Us

Chuck

I think they might have referenced the 'test-taking' scene as well. On top of all that, they cast Chevy Chase as the 'Big Bad world domination junkie' for the season. Coincidence? I think not. 
I know I have missed a bunch of movie references, and can't remember all the ones I did recognize. What I do know is that I love it. And I love Chuck. Do you? What other movie references have you noticed?

Fear and Loathing in the IMAX

Whenever I hear a great movie is going to be shown in IMAX, I feel sad.
Why?
I have a fear of the IMAX. That's really embarrassing to write! 
But true, nonetheless.
The first movie I saw in an IMAX theater was called Speed. I am sure a lot of you saw it. There were fast cars and roller coasters, airplanes and jets zipping around in super-fast motion. I was really excited to share in this ultra-cool movie experience...until it started.

No one tells you that the theater is so angled that you will feel like you're sitting on the edge of a cliff. When the action started it felt like I had someone sitting behind me, trying to push me out of the chair. I was terrified that at any moment, if I accidentally let go of the seat I was clinging to, I would tumble down into the front row and die. It didn't help that during the theater introduction, the emcee actually joked about this. During the show, I told myself several times that all of this was just an illusion. I was in no danger of falling. It was all in vain. I just kept clinging and sweating and panicking until it was all over.

So, I will be forever denied the pleasure of seeing great stuff like The Dark Knight in IMAX - and relegated to making up some lame excuse as to why I can't go the theater with my friends. Sigh.

Please tell me I am not the only one with a fear of the IMAX? If I am, feel free to mock.

The "Pick" - Can't Miss Character Actors

  My "picks" are actors I actively root for; I want them to do well - to have HUGE amounts of success. I try to find them at the beginning of their careers, and follow their paths. Jeremy Piven was my first 'pick' after his little role in Say Anything. I began to despair he would ever have huge success! And now he's got people analyzing his sushi. Yay! So, once they achieve the fame I think they deserve, I add a new 'pick' to the list.  Here are some of my current guys. No matter what they do, or what they are in, I will run to the theater and see it. Or rent it. Or buy it. No questions asked.  

Alan Tudyk 

I fell in love with him as the quirky, homosexual, foreign guy in 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. No zombies in this one – it’s about a bunch of recovering alcoholics. A real feel-good movie – not really. But Tudyk was so endearing and hilarious and over the top, I immediately decided that whatever he did, I would see it. Imagine the kind of rabid fan I became after I discovered a little series called “Firefly.”
Here are some more gems with Alan Tudyk that you can't miss:

Firefly and Serenity (Duh)
Death at a Funeral – he’s naked and on drugs and HILARIOUS.
A Knight’s Tale – Alan Tudyk, Heath Ledger , Paul Bettany and Mark Addy create a team that you root for at every turn.
Dodgeball- A True Underdog Story – He thinks he’s a pirate. ‘Nuff said.

Steve Zahn

I first saw him as the bass player in That Thing You Do! – a Tom Hanks movie about a one-hit wonder band. And as far as I am concerned, he got all the good lines. The friend I was watching it with turned and said to me, “That’s the guy that you would fall for.” And she was right. He’s funny – even silly at times, plays a GREAT stupid sidekick guy and is just overall, a super-fun character actor. I think he is truly underrated and wish that Hollywood would let him show his talent. And he 'cheek-pinchingly' adorable.  Here’s more of Zahn’s list of must see’s:

Out of Sight – he’s actually holds his own and plays very well off of George Clooney. And the movie rocks too.
Sahara – He even makes Matthew McConaughey less boring.
Happy, Texas - This is a really stupid movie about two escaped cons who pose as beauty pageant experts. Plus, it features Jeremy Northam too. I love it (of course).

Sam Rockwell 
I had seen him in other movies, but when I saw him in The Green Mile as Wild Bill Wharton, I knew that he had made my 'pick' list.  I think he is the next Gary Oldman. (Not the Batman/Dark Knight Gary Oldman, but the Immortal Beloved/The Professional Gary Oldman. He sinks so far into a  role that you forget who he is as an actor and just see the character. And he's funny. Here are just a few of his earlier films that I love.

Charlie’s Angels - He plays Eric Knox, the good guy/bad guy. He gets to do this cool disco/rap dance, and seduce Drew Barrymore. What more can you ask for from a movie?
Galaxy Quest - possibly my favorite role of his. In this hilarious Star Trek'ian roast of a movie, he plays Guy, the odd man out, 'plucky comic relief with no last name.
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - He plays Chuck Barris (the host of The Gong Show) in this strange, twisted tale based on Barris' book. The best way to explain it? He thinks he's a spy and a game show host.

Honorable Mention:

Nestor Carbonell – I started loving him in Suddenly Susan, but who could resist his character “Bat-Manuel" in The Tick? He’s adorable. You can currently catch him as Richard Alpert on Lost.

 

 
Enrico Colantoni – Saw him in Galaxy Quest too, (I have a weird obsession with that movie) and thought he was quirky and funny and great. And I never saw him again, until one day, while wasting time watching Veronica Mars, it hits me – That’s Mathesar as Veronica’s dad! Currently catch him in Flashpoint on CBS.

P.S – I racked my brain trying to think of a woman I feel this way about. It might have been Sandra Bullock at one point, but no more. Urgh. Do you have these types of non-leading man favorites? Do you think I am insane? (don’t answer that). Discuss!

Annoyed Without A Cause

While debating with myself about whether or not to see Baz Luhrman’s latest film, Australia, I recalled a discussion with an old friend who refuses to see anything Nicole Kidman oriented. She stated with complete conviction and seriousness that “Nicole Kidman is evil.”

When I asked her why, she had no valid answer and said, “She’s just evil.”  

She also has a personal problem with any actor with a small mouth (John Cusack, this means you) and does a hilarious imitation of them attempting to yell, and swear in a movie scene.

I realized that day that I agree with her on some level. I don’t necessarily think Nicole Kidman is evil, and will probably end up renting Australia when it releases on DVD. But on some level, the woman irritates me for no good reason. She’s beautiful, incredibly talented, and can sing fairly well to boot. But I just don’t like her.

 And I like John Cusack too, but now, I am forever staring at his mouth and being bothered.

Of course, being me, I started compiling a list of other actors who irritate me for stupid reasons. Here’s my list including my completely ridiculous reasons for being irritated by these people (I dug deep for these):

Toni Collette – she’s too bright. And I don’t mean smart. Although I am sure she is. It’s like someone put 5 or 6 extra lights on her – and whenever she opens her mouth, she seems animated: not lively, or full of expression, but like she should be a cartoon.

 

   Andy Garcia - When I watch him, I feel like I am chewing Styrofoam.

Benicio Del Toro – He makes me feel like I am hard of hearing. Seriously.

 

Ellen Pompeo – I know there is a raging debate about this one – I think her acting is fine. Her head is on crooked. That’s my problem.

 

Daniel Day Lewis – I tried to figure out why. I really did. I loved In the Name of the Father and My Left Foot and Last of the Mohicans and There Will Be Blood etc. He’s an INCREDIBLE actor. Who gets on my NERVES for NO reason. ARGH!

Clearly, these actors are in movies and television shows I watch all the time – I don’t go as far as boycotting a movie or show because I am annoyed by one of the actors in it. Jeez, if that were the case, I would never see another Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson movie again! And they aggravate me for good reasons!

Who irritates you for no valid reason? Do you refuse to see films simply because that actor is in it? And most important of all, what constitutes a ‘valid’ reason. Clearly, a small mouth and being ‘evil’ are two of my top non-valid reasons. Discuss.

 

Bye Bye Boston Legal

I guess it puts me in the ‘old people’ demographic, but I have to say that I am still p.o.’d that Boston Legal is off the air. The series finale aired a couple of weeks ago and has been touted as one of the best series finales ever. In the media, it has been made to sound like only people over 50 watched this show. That is categorically not true. I have ranted about how fabulous William Shatner and James Spader were for years now, and quite a few of my friends watched it.

No other show on television was so ridiculous and proud of it.

•  When the network moved their time slot? The characters acknowledged it on the show by having Alan show up to a Tuesday meeting that had been moved to Wednesday. 
• When Denny Crane (William Shatner) got arrested in the men’s room at the courthouse, he opened his phone to call lawyer and friend Alan (Spader) and the phone made the “communicator” noise from Star Trek. He even talked into it like it was a communicator. I was rolling on the floor laughing.
• Denny Crane’s unabashed desire to shoot anything and anyone that pissed him off was fabulous. The paintball gunfight over politics between Denny and Alan was absolutely hilarious. What better way can you think of to work out our political differences?
• Jerry Espenson – a lawyer with Asberger’s syndrome, went from the office joke “hands” to a hostage-taker wielding a knife, to a partner in the firm. And not once did I say those words “that’s just not logical.” Even though I fully should have.
• When Denny and Alan took on the Supreme Court, they not only skewered the decision making, but made it fun! A couple of quotes:

                “Look at Ginsburg – does the women not want me?”  Denny Crane 

               “I think you should get a little band to play people off: Like the Oscars or the Emmys.
                Just a thought.”
                                   Alan Shore to the Supreme court about attorneys exceeding their time limit

 Yes, this show was a giant platform for David E. Kelley’s political views. Who cares? He cloaked it in such an amazingly uproarious package that it didn’t matter. Who else could hire Betty White and make her a 3 time murderess, totally unashamed of her actions.

And at the end of every episode, you could count on Denny and Alan - two guys drinking scotch and smoking cigars on the balcony and talking about their feelings. Ridiculous.  And beautiful.  I think this show made an art out of ‘jumping the shark’ moments. It did it so much that I began to look forward to the outlandishness trying to top itself.  Check it out. I think some of you will be surprised.

There are actors that I will associate with one role for the rest of their lives. It is a role that an actor plays that defines him not only as a performer, but as a person. Lesser known James Spader, was stuck as “Stef” from Pretty in Pink – the uber bad ‘hot’ guy who wants to sleep with Andie. William Shatner was supposed to be Captain Kirk forever. And by sheer brilliance in writing and performance, those definitions are forever altered in my mind. William Shatner is Denny Crane. James Spader is Alan Shore. They were my best friends and by FAR the most adorable couple on TV. I have never actually missed a character before! I know the actors are still out there, but the thought of never seeing Alan Shore again is…well…it just sucks. 

Did you watch?  What cancelled shows are you angry about?