Armchair Commentary

The Terrible Eleven of 2011: The Year's Best in Horror DVDs

Following is a list of notable horror-related DVD and Blu-ray releases from 2011. A "best" list for horror can be a tricky proposition, given the spectrum of styles and degrees of intensity in the genre. Classic chiller fans may not care a whit about the latest gut-spiller, while gore aficionados may roll their eyes at a Depression Era spookshow. But the following eleven titles showcased here stood out, and therefore, were the best in our opinion, because they met two important criteria: they were distinguished by the quality of their stories and/or direction, whether stylish, unrelenting or inventive, and (most importantly) they were scary.

Here's our alarming eleven, in no particular order:

-- Island of Lost Souls Director Erle C. Kenton's outrageous 1933 adaptation of H.G. Wells' The Island of Dr. Moreau makes its long-over DVD debut with this deluxe presentation from Criterion. Seventy years have not dampened the film's queasy blend of pre-Code perversity and sadism in the name of Science, as embodied by Charles Laughton as a supremely arch Moreau, as well as Kathleen Burke's hot-blooded Panther Girl and Bela Lugosi's tormented Sayer of the Law. Extras include interviews with director John Landis, makeup legend Rick Baker and Mark Mothersbaugh and Jerry Casale of Devo, whose "de-evolution" manifesto was influenced by the film. An absolute essential for horror fans of all ages and preferences.

I Have Seen the Future (And It Looks Terrible): 10 Movie Dystopias Before "In Time"

Director Andrew Niccol's In Time, which opened on October 28, envisions a future in which the world's population has been genetically engineered to stop aging when they reach their 25th year. There is, of course, a catch: they are also "programmed" to die at age 26, but can stave off the inevitable by working for minutes to add to their lifespan. This combination of technological heaven and biological hell is the latest in a long line of dystopias on film, depicting worlds where the promise of a future filled with wonder has been replaced by despair, disarray and the human race teetering on the brink of demise. 

Following are ten more memorable visions, listed in chronological order, of the future gone wrong on film. It is by no means a comprehensive list, but merely a representative sampling of the subgenre.

Metropolis (1927) Director Fritz Lang's seminal science fiction film examines the schism between the working class and the managerial elite in this blend of Expressionism and Marxism that also includes one of the screen's first robots, a sleek, metallic automaton used to sow dissent among the rebelling workers. 

Alphaville (1965) Jean-Luc Godard's surreal adventure sends secret agent Lemmy Caution (Eddie Constantine) to the title city, an Orwellian technocratic dictatorship overseen by the super-computer Alpha 60, which has forbidden emotion in favor of mindless obedience.

Rock-Em Sock-Em: 10 Tough Movie Robots Before "Real Steel"

Sure, robots in the movies can be helpful, like C-3P0 or Robby the Robot, or coldly malevolent, like the Daleks. But can they take a punch? That question is answered in Real Steel, a science fiction-action hybrid opening October 7 with Hugh Jackman as a washed-up pug turned promoter of a robot boxer. Based on Richard Matheson's short story "Steel" (which which was previously adapted for the fifth season of The Twilight Zone in 1963),Real Steel reminds us that several memorable movie robots have brought the brawn along with the binary code in prior years.

For the purposes of this list, we're expanding the defintion of the word "robot" to include androids (machines designed to resemble humans) and cyborgs (robots with both biological and mechanical elements). We're also limiting our list to cinematic robots, so you won't find Cylons, Cybermen or the Six Million Dollar Man here (that's another list altogether).

In chronological order:

- Gort, The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) Actor Lock Martin, who stood at 7' 1" (though other sources say 7'7") left his job as the doorman at Grauman's Chinese Theater to play the 8-foot mechanical enforcer for alien visitor Klaatu (Michael Rennie) in Robert Wise's science fiction classic. When a trigger-happy GI accidentally wings Klaatu during his impromptu visit to Washington, D.C., Gort impassionately disintegrates the military's might, and nearly comes close to wiping out humanity as a whole until Patricia Neal utters the enduring phrase "Klaatu barada nikto." 

Made-for-TV Terrors: The ORIGINAL "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" and other '70s Small Screen Shockers

 On October 10, 1973, TV audiences who tuned to ABC were transfixed by a hair-raising supernatural thriller about a young newlywed (Kim Darby, True Grit) plagued by unseen fores in her new home. The feature, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, earned a reputation as one of the most terrifying productions ever made for television, and had a profound effect on many that saw it in the four decades after its initial network broadcast - including director Guillermo Del Toro (Hellboy), who recently produced a big-screen remake, starring Katie Holmes and Guy Pearce, that opens on August 26. 

Del Toro's remake serves as a great reminder that the 1970s were an exceptional period for horror features on the small screen. The success of such critically acclaimed and highly rated efforts as Steven Spielberg's Duel (1971), Dan Curtis' The Night Stalker (1972) and Dark, directed by John Newland (of One Step Beyond fame) paved the way for dozens of genre titles, some of which compared favorably to the Hollywood releases of the period. Following are 10 of the best '70s-era TV-movie horror films, all available on DVD, and all providing the perfect degree of chills for hot summer viewing. It should be mentioned that the original Don't Be Afraid of the Dark has also been issued in a newly remastered special edition disc.

Note: the omission of some outstanding TV-movie terror titles, including Steven Spielberg's Something Evil (1972), A Cold Night's Death (1972) and the Gene Roddenberry-produced Spectre (1973)- both starring the late Robert Culp - and Curtis Harrington's The Dead Don't Die, is due to their unavailability on legitimate DVD.

Can't Recall Being this Totally Excited

For a lot of guys in my age bracket Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall is a seminal movie. If you were an Arnold (pronounced Aahh-nuld) fan (go ahead and admit it, it was a different time), Total Recall was the zenith of his awesomeness. And my dad took me to see it when I was too young for an R rated movie. It came after Commando, Predator, The Running Man & Twins. It was the right movie at the right time for any action/adventure loving movie goer. Total Recall was full of humor, memorable quotes and for the era, great sci-fi design and special effects. It seemed like such a BIG movie and for at least this one movie geek, it would became one of the most referenced films ever.

So now, of course, the upcoming "re-imagining" Total Recall (2012) directed by Len Wiseman (of Underworld fame) is making me feel like a kid again. Scanning the google looking for updates or new photos, hoping for an Arnold cameo, anything to feed my excitement. Anyways.....this time around we've got Colin Farrell in the Arnie role. Which, I can get on board with. He's versatile and sometimes brilliant as is evident in the far too unwatched In Bruges. Then the cast really gets good. Kate Beckinsale in the Sharon Stone role, AWESOME! Jessica Biel as Melina, SWEET!! And to top it all off Bryan Cranston as Cohagen. AWESOMELY SWEET!!! Oh wait, as if that wasn't good enough, how bout' they throw in a little Bill Nighy, John Cho and some Ethan Hawke. MIND BLOWN!! One more bonus, Shia LaBeouf is not in it. Just a powerhouse group! What's next, Robocop with Daniel Craig? We can dream.

It's OK if you're smiling right now thinking of some mindless action fun. Let yourself go back to that place when you were younger and going to the movies was so much more exciting. We didn't need no stinkin' 3D! We just needed absurd fight scenes and enough of the F word to make us feel a little bit dangerous while we watched. Thanks Paul Verhoeven, thanks Arnie and now thank you Len Wiseman and Columbia Pictures for bringing back this classic. Yeah, I said it, c-l-a-s-s-i-c.

Prince of Darkness: The Best of Bela Lugosi on DVD

In the half-century that has passed since Bela Lugosi's death on August 16, 1956, the Hungarian-born actor has lost little of his lustre as one of Hollywood's most enduring horror film icons. He remains best known for his elegant and smoulderingly sensual Count in Tod Browning's Dracula (1931), a performance that not only presaged such erotically charged screen vampires as Christopher Lee, Frank Langella and even Robert Pattinson, but has become part of the pop culture lexicon; without Lugosi, there are none of the aforementioned actors, but also no Bobby "Boris" Pickett ("Monster Mash"), no Count von Count on Sesame Street, even no Count Chocula on your breakfast table, not to mention Martin Landau's Oscar-winning turn as (a highly fictionalized) Lugosi in Tim Burton's Ed Wood (1994) and the legions of comic imitators, cartoon depictions, pop songs and even postage stamps that traded on his distinctive look, accent and delivery.

Like his frequent on-screen rival, Boris Karloff, Lugosi is part of our collective consciousness as filmgoers. His image immediately invokes a stately, charming evil, the kind of which is largely absent from modern horror films. That image surpasses the typecasting that plagued Lugosi in life and the grisly final chapter of his career with Ed Wood and Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959). On the 55th anniverary of Lugosi's death, we take a look at the films that best summon that image, and have preserved his legacy for generations of fans. 

1. Dracula (1931) Lugosi had played the Count in the 1927 Broadway production of Hamilton Deane and John L. Balderston's stage play, which served as the basis for the film, but had to lobby to win the role in the film; producer Carl Laemmle, Jr. wanted Lon Chaney for Dracula, and considered numerous other actors, including Paul Muni, before settling on Lugosi. The result was instant stardom for the actor, whose deliberate speech patterns ("I never drink... wine") and mesmerizing gaze have passed into movie legend. Though widely identified as Dracula, he would play the role in only two subsequent films, the 1933 short Hollywood on Parade and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948), though he played other unrelated characters in Mark of the Vampire (1935) and Return of the Vampire (1944).

Nicolas Cage vs. Nic Cage

  VS   

Dear Nicolas Cage,

What happened? Where did it all go wrong? When did you go from a sometimes brilliant actor who chose quirky and original scripts to the guy that starred in The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans? (Side note - one of the worst titles ever thought of) It's a rare feat for someone capable of onscreen gold like Raising Arizona and Moonstruck, to almost completely derail their own legitimacy and relevance in the lexicon of popular film, by their own hand.

Sure, there are occasional blips on the radar that still give us hope like your super hero potrayal in Kick-Ass but the past decade has been a whole lot more unwatchable than it has been inspiring. Have you yourself been subject to some sort of mind altering occurence that has split you into some sort of Jekyll and Hyde character? Is there a epic, bloody battle for dominance being waged inside your soul  that has spanned the last 25 years? That's what I'd like to think, that there are truly two of you. One, Nicolas Cage, the man who made us laugh in Honeymoon in Vegas and broke our hearts Leaving Las Vegas and then, Nic Cage, the evil side vying for supremacy over your soul and obviously......winning. He who is responsible for Drive Angry and Bangkok Dangerous. Please stop him. Please. If I had to divide your filmograhy up into good and bad, I'd be willing to give you Faceoff, Conair, heck, I'm even throwing in The Weather Man and The Family Man, cause I'm a sucker. But The Wicker Man, Ghost Rider, Windtalker? Come on!!!! Maybe you should have kept your name Coppola. Perhaps that would have allowed you to make better choices.

Sorry, I got a bit angry but it's only because I love ya man. You can be so great, so fun to watch. So come back to us Nicolas. Take pleasure in guttin' that other side of you, the evil Nic. You used to be like....unbeatable.

Sincerely,

A confused fan.....kind of...but not really anymore

P.S. Is it too late to stop the inevitablility of the Ghost Rider sequel? Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengenance, really?

Not with a Bang, But a Whimper: "Vanishing on 7th Street" and Other Quiet Apocalypses

When it comes to depictions of the end of the world on films and in television, audiences seem to like their apocalypse scaled at an epic size. Films like Armageddon, 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow have presented our final days as special effects spectaculars that can be appreciated for their feats of technical skill as much as for the fear they produce. But a handful of movies have presented an extinction event as a much quieter affair, with life as we know it ending, as T.S. Eliot said in "The Wasteland," not with a bang, but a whimper.

Brad Anderson's Vanishing on 7th Street, which opens on February 18, presents such a scenario, with most of the world's population simply disappearing during a global blackout, leaving a handful of survivors in Detroit to cope as daylight begins to fade into permanent night. Following are a host of similarly quiet apocalypse films, ranging in tone from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Five (1951) One of the earliest, if not the first film to depict life after a nuclear holocaust, this heavy-handed but watchable drama by radio pioneer Arch Oboler (Lights Out) charges a quintet of survivors to rebuild society while sorting out their ideological differences. The futuristic house where much of the film's action takes place was a Frank Lloyd Wright creation owned by Oboler.

The World, The Flesh and the Devil (1959) Harry Belafonte stars as a mine inspector who escapes a cave-in, only to discover that humanity has been wiped out by atomic poisons. He finds two other survivors, Inger Stevens and Mel Ferrer, in an eerily vacant New York City; romantic and racial tensions are soon ignited between the two men, who must learn to overcome old beliefs in order to survive in their new world.

Razzie Nominations Announced: "Last Airbender," "Eclipse" Top List

Here are the nominations for the Golden Raspberry Awards (aka the Razzies) honoring the worst movies of the year:

Worst Picture
"The Bounty Hunter"
"The Last Airbender"
"Sex and the City 2"
"The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
"Vampires Suck"

Worst Actor
Jack Black - "Gulliver's Travels"
Gerard Butler - "The Bounty Hunter"
Ashton Kutcher - "Killers" and "Valentine's Day"
Taylor Lautner - "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" and "Valentine's Day"
Robert Pattinson - "Remember Me" and "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"

Worst Actress
Jennifer Aniston - "The Bounty Hunter" and "The Switch"
Miley Cyrus - "The Last Song"
Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon - "Sex and the City 2"
Megan Fox - "Jonah Hex"
Kristen Stewart - "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"

Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Alba - "The Killer Inside Me," "Little Fockers," "Machete" and "Valentine's Day"
Cher - "Burlesque"
Liza Minnelli - "Sex and the City 2"
Nicola Peltz - "The Last Airbender"
Barbra Streisand - "Little Fockers"

Worst Supporting Actor
Billy Ray Cyrus - "The Spy Next Door"
George Lopez - "Marmaduke," "The Spy Next Door" and "Valentine's Day"
Dev Patel - "The Last Airbender"
Jackson Rathbone - "The Last Airbender" and "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Rob Schneider - "Grown-Ups"

Worst Eye-Gouging Misuse of 3-D
"Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore"
"Clash of the Titans"
"The Last Airbender"
"The Nutcracker 3D"
"Saw 3D"

Worst Screen Couple/Ensemble
Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler - "The Bounty Hunter"
Josh Brolin's Face & Megan Fox's Accent - "Jonah Hex""
The Entire Cast of "The Last Airbender"
The Entire Cast of "Sex and the City 2"
The Entire Cast of "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"

Worst Director
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer - "Vampires Suck"
Michael Patrick King - "Sex and the City 2"
M. Night Shyamalan - "The Last Airbender"
David Slade - "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Sylvester Stallone - The Expendables

Worst Screenplay
"The Last Airbender"
"Little Fockers"
"Sex and the City 2"
"The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
"Vampires Suck"

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
"Clash of the Titans"
"The Last Airbender"
"Sex and the City 2"
"The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
"Vampires Suck"

 

What was the worst movie you saw in 2010? --Ellen

Golden Globes 2011 Fashion Follies

2011 68^th Annual Golden Globes: Glam or Glum

Welcome to the red-carpet writeup for this year’s Golden Globes awards ceremony, brought to you by the Hollywood Foreign Press and by, well, me. Unlike some of the off-color onstage quips I heard this evening, I’ve decided to keep my commentary rated G—rated G for Glam or G for Glum.  Do you aGree? Or not? Please tell.

 

 

 

 Glam

On this most glittering of nights, there was no shortage of glamour here. A smattering of the glam:

Natalie Portman:  The pint (and a half!)-sized Portman blossomed in a form-flattering pale-pink empire-waist gown, complete with red-sequined appliqué rose, from Dutch dream team Viktor and Rolf. The diminutive star scores extra points for matching Stella McCartney heels. Maternity never looked so marvelous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Michelle Williams: Her daisy-dotted dress is simply adorable. A Valentino victory, the rosette straps, op-art floral print, and fluttery chiffon sides--paired with Michelle’s winsome pixie ‘do--make for free-spirited fun.  Even if it is beige.

 

 

 

 

 

Olivia Wilde: Mmm, chocolate. Rich, dark, and satisfying, this spangled tulle confection sparkles in deep chocolatey hues.  More like something from Willy Wonka’s production line than a hand-stitched Marchesa creation, the full skirt flirtfully floated, bobbed, and winked its way through the ceremony.  

 

 

 

 

January Jones: Only one word comes to mind, if it’s even a word: Fringe-tastic!  This custom-made Versace fits her like a glove, from the structured V-shaped bodice to the clingy fringed gown, all flawlessly executed in fire-engine red.  January’s smooth blonde Veronica Lake hairstyle adds cool elegance but does nothing to put out the fire.

 

 

 

 

Helen Mirren: The dame puts the gold in Golden Globes this year in a stunning Badgley-Mischka gown. The shirred, Fortuny-like bodice capped with sheer gold- and silver-encrusted sleeves drops down to  a shimmery skirt. With matching satin Ferragamo clutch and Cartier diamonds, this golden-aged actress radiates 24k confidence and charm.

 

 

 

 

Glum

Now for the glum. Billed as Hollywood’s “prom night,” this Golden Globes event rather surprised me by the number of boring all-black ensembles. Those of you fortunate to know me in person are well aware that I am no stranger to the darksome shade myself. I just thought the Globes was an excuse to be more festive. In addition to the goth girls—Annette, Halle, Julianna, Jane (who should be more Glee-ful), I cite the following as glum:

Helena Bonham-Carter: The abstract print and random black tulle attachment on this Vivienne Westwood can’t possibly compete with the predictable trying-too-hard-to-be-kooky mismatched shoes. So why bother?  Maybe Helena and fellow Brit Tilda Swinton should have compared notes on being wacky beforehand.

 

 

 

 

 

Eva Longoria: The simple American Apparel T-shirt-style bodice doesn’t quite mesh with the sweeping skirt of this Zac Posen creation. The squiggle diamonds at her waist aren’t helping matters any either. Her onstage stumble confirms that this is indeed a fashion misstep.

 

 

 

 

 

Amy Adams: A Fight of a different type--this one between the actress and the laser-cut lace butterfly that landed on her deep teal Marchesa gown. My bet is that Amy lost. Watching her throughout the evening, I could see that the butterfly--or whatever this adornment is--impeded her basic functions, like eating and drinking.

 

 

 

 

Julianne Moore: While I realize bubble-gum pink is hardly indicative of glum, Julianne’s saggy, misshapen single silk sleeve is rather sad. It depresses me just looking at it. I don’t even care that it comes from Lanvin. It's just … sad.

 

 

 

 

 

Glam and Glum

Golden Globes boys can be both glam and glum as well:

Robert Downey Jr. Glam! In a rebellious twist on the typical black-tie dress code, a dapper RDJ rocks a shiny charcoal-gray Prada suit with a roguish red tie. A precursor to the roguish and randy tales he told on stage, I suppose, but you didn’t hear that from me.

 

 

 

 

 

Christian Bale. Glum! Is he Fight-ing with his wife for Actor with the Best Jesus Hair Award?  His all-black attire (suit, shirt, and tie) and lank, shoulder-length hair make him a clear winner in that arena (in addition to his other award).

 

 

 

 

 

Last, after a couple glasses of pinot grigio and a handful of white-cheddar popcorn—my version of movie food—I have a few random G-notes:

G is for:

Granny. I spotted at least three spangled chiffon capelets worn over otherwise attractive and flattering frocks.  Sandra Bullock, Scarlett Johansson, and Jennifer Lopez looked more grandmother-of-the-bride than award presenter. And Sandra—I’d rethink the blunt bangs.

 

 

 

 

 

Grandiosity. Temple lives up to the Grand in her name tonight. The inspirational author’s sequin-emblazoned shirt raises her signature Western-wear to a whole new level. I love Temple's take on black tie, even if it's white tie (or kerchief, in this case).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Geometry. Like Jane Fonda herself, I find the pointed geometric shoulders on her gown a little frightening and a little ‘80s. But then that’s Jane.

 

 

 

 

Gummy.  Does everyone in Hollywood have to chew gum?  Even at an awards ceremony?  Really?  As the cameras panned the crowd, I was a little galled at all the chomping and jawing. My mother would have told everyone to quit chopskitching (look it up). 

And they would have.

Respond at will. --Daniel